Danny Phantom Porno Story: Awake – Chapter Four
Here you go another chapter.
Thanks for making me feel better. I was surprised to find 11. I thought no one would read.
MommyIm so broken. I dont know if I can break for anyone ever again.
Youre twirling into the rain.
Youre just dancing around; your hairs wet and no on knows that youre just dancing around because youre just so dazed inside out and you look around and no ones watching because no one cares and your bodys soaked with water. Your dresss sticking to you and youre just a drop in the rain.
Just a number. Youre not a name in the world.
Just a drop of rain in thousands, millions, trillions of the same thing and youre fading away, and theres nothing left in you to believe in so you dance around like you dont care because you want to believe it. You want to believe that the suns hiding away from your face and the droplets of rain are your little friend as your black nightgown soaks inside out.
Youre thinking of him and you know that youd do anything to be near his beautiful body. Youd kill yourself.
Youre looking for him and you wont stop until you find him. Hes nineteen now and hes engaged and youre all alone, stuck in a fourteen year old body but youre nineteen inside too and all the memories are fading away with you and all thats left in you is him.
All you ever had is him.
And now, hes being ripped off your hands to some girl whos name is probably Tiffany or Paulina or some other spoiled brat with ready made hair and a beautiful gorgeous body and everyone stares at her when shes walking down the road with lacy, show-off clothes.
Youre not like that.
Your names Sam.
With hair soaked wet.
With a fourteen year old body.
Who everyone ignores because shes so invisible and so very insignificant and youre always just been a drop in the rain. Youre not the sun; youre not the moon, just a tiny drop of rain.
A drop of nothing.
MommyI want to go home but I dont know where home is anymore.
Youre lost.
In this black and gray world, where theres never a blue sky and a rainbow and a sunny day and beautiful smiles.
Youre lost.
In this black and gray world, where theres always the sound of pain, screeching, burning, hurting black and grays always been blurring and twisted and youre in it now and youre so blurry and so sick inside and so twisted that you dont know how to get out.
Youre just freaking lost.
Mommycan I just die? Thats what I want to do. I dont know why I should live anymore.
Youre standing by the pole and your eyes catch something blue glinting in the mist. In your world of gray and black, you see a shine of sapphire blue and you run after it. You can feel the person walking away but youre so far away that you have to run. You feel like you dont have weight but your lungs need oxygen and when you look down to feel something catch your bare blistered feet, you fall onto a person.
And you feel the cold, warm and soft skin and you look into his beautiful now sophisticated eyes and your heart pumps with shock and your eyes are looking at him with sudden life and all the colors of the world pierce through your memory like a bang but the rains still falling and the worlds still gray but his blue eyes make you see all the colors, from the hint of green shine around the corners, to the sweet color of white sparkles in the pools of his eyes, that he found you, and you dont know you can live without him.
Danny?
His eyes pop with shock as he registers your face, your voice, and your eyes. Sam? his voices soft but it hits you like a bang and your heart rips in half and you bury your head in his chest and he grabs onto your back and pulls you close to him as you try to shuffle out your sobs.
Hes engaged. Hes engaged. Hes engaged.
The last thought stabs you, like a knife, to the heart.
Hell never love you.
Mommywhy cant I love him?
Hes gone
Hes gone to her
And hes left me alone into this black and gray world
And I cant see anything anymore but the blackness until I found his eyes, his blue eyes and theyre suffocating me
Drowning me in memories
Memories of him and me
Six years old
The first time I met him
His blue eyes are on my black clothes
You want to play with me?
I played with him a dangerous game
Of seek and destroy
He had my heart
But he still wanted to seek for more
Cant find anything
And that destroyed me
Hes hurt me
Ive given him my heart and hes hurt my Mommy
(You always say bandages are for cuts)
But I cant bandage my cut
Not at all
Its in my heart
And it doesnt stop bleeding
Memories of him and me
Seven years old
The first time I walked to school with him
We didnt meet up
We walked a lonely road
No one watches
Hes holding my hand
Trying to make me feel better
(He doesnt hold my hand anymore when Im sad)
I want to feel like hes holding on
Hes just slipping away
Memories of him and me
Eight years old
The first time I let him come to my house
He saw you
All happy and perky
And wondered why I didnt wear pink
And why I didnt like morning sunshine
And why I didnt smile like you did, Mommy
(I still dont smile)
He doesnt know its because he did this
He shaded me black deep
He made me see in all black and gray
He made me forget how to smile
Because he doesnt like me
Not in the way I could
(Why did I fall in love with him?)
Memories of him and me
Nine years old
The first time I cried in front of him
It was about a broken toy
Its funny
Now, hes broken my heart
Shattered me to pieces
Made me bleed inside
(But I dont know how to cry anymore)
He comforts me
And tells me that its okay
But its not
I know its not
(Whats broken always stays broken unless you fix it)
He doesnt want to fix me
He likes me broken
And shattered
And bleeding, bleeding, bleeding
To death inside
Memories of him and me
Ten years old
The first time he danced with me
Its in the rain
(Because he thinks that I like the rain)
It sounds like broken hearts
Shattered pieces of glass
Its me
He dances and twirls me and laughs as I fall but he doesnt reach out for me to help me up and he doesnt anymore
He just watches behind those glassy eyes
And slowly, all I can see are shattered pieces of glass
In his eyes
And I dont know if hes breaking too
I just know that Im slowly fading away from his mind
(Like pastels slowly fade)
All Ive been through hurts
So very much
And I dont know how to break away from it
Memories of you
Are fading
Memories of him and me
Eleven years old
The first time I fought with him seriously
About Paulina Sanchez
I love her
He told me and even if I was pretty sure he didnt know what love meant, not like I did, it still hurt and it still stained me with blood and it still made me soak in my own pain and he couldnt see any of it at all
I tried to protest
She doesnt even like you
Shes nothing
When whats trying to get out of my mouth is
I want my heart to hate you as much as she doesnt
Im nothing
But nothing bubbles out of my mouth
(Mommy, is it normal to feel empty inside?)
Memories of him and me
Twelve years old
The first time I went to a dance with him
He was looking at all the other pretty girls
Because lets face it
(Im not pretty)
And I will never be
Twirling around the dance floor in a pink sparkly dress
Flirting with that boy by the punch bowl by acting flattered that he complimented your blue dress
Flashing your diva red sequins to everyone with a demanding look in your eyes
Ill never be anything like it
Lets just face it
Memories of him and me
Thirteen years old
The first time I trusted him with a secret
Im not a virgin anymore
You’re joking
He slept with me
I was thinking of Danny the entire way and I know its wrong and I know that it hurt more than anything and I know that no one but him knows that I gave myself up at thirteen years old
Who?
Jeff
Jeffyour babysitter?!
Yeah
Hes likewhat? 18? 19?
16
Why the hell?
I know
Are you pregnant?
No
Are you sure?
Danny, I took a pregnancy test. Im fine
Oh. Does anyone else know?
No, no one
Keep it a secret?
From everyone
Ill be a babysitter when I turn 16
(Im sorry, Mommy. Its just that I wanted to love another man. I wanted so hard to love anyone boy)
Memories of him and me
Fourteen years old
The first time Ive kept his secret
He was suddenly out of the portal, just suddenly an entire different person, but not
Same broken blue eyes
Same cracked tan face
Same dull black hair
That turns into
Crushed glowing green eyes
A fractured paler face
Dull white hair
Youre always just the same
(You cant change who you are)
You still crush me on the inside
And you still hurt me on the inside
And you still want me dead on the inside
And thats the broken truth
Memories of him and me
Are broken
Unable to erase
Make me feel empty
Always have been
Made me bleed internally
I didnt care
Because you didnt
Mommy
Youre all leaving me.
And my memories dont even like me
I know. Most of it was poetry but then again..
It was an update!
lol.
– Sam